So the update is...

I talked to Logan today, and we're over.

It hurts like hell but I am moving on because I deserve someone who treats me right.

So here I am, I've basically been single for three years, I met someone who was really into me and I was really into him, I opened my heart up to him, and now he doesn't know if he wants to be with me.  That's one of the worst pains ever....opening your heart to someone and then being rejected.  I just want to close my heart up forever.

Why do I want to be with him so badly though?  Probably just cuz I feel like we were so amazing together, and now I feel like he doesnt want me.  I know it's not because of who I am or that I did something wrong, but it still makes me feel that way.  Rejection always hurts and it always makes you think that there is something wrong with yourself. 

I know there is nothing wrong with me and that I have so much to offer.  It's just hard when that someone else doesn't see it.  It makes me sad.

Although I am sad still, cuz I thought I had met someone special, I can't and won't fight for him.  If someone doesn't want me, as bad as I want them, I can't change that.  It would only hurt me more to try to convince them of something, they should already know!

What drives me crazy, is not knowing.....not hearing him say those words...."we're through."  Hell, at this point, I'll say them to him....but everyone tells me to wait for him to make the move.  That's the hardest thing ever.....having patience, and waiting for someone on their time....not yours. I guess I'll just have to wait...but I pretty much know what's coming....the end of Logan and I.

Life is ever changing.  Which I like....although I don't have much patience.

My life right now....

I'm in the process of meeting new people and trying to make new friends and enter the party scene once again.  I went out on Friday night with a friend from back home, it was exactly what I needed!  Drunken fun!  I saw the guy I was seeing at the beginning of the school year, my heart still skips a beat when I see him.  *sigh*

I worked all weekend, which is good becuase I need money.  As my dad likes to put it "i think money grows on trees."  But it was really exhausting working all weekend, I just needed some time to relax so I didnt go out on Saturday night.

Exciting news!!  My friend Tara moved back from Colorado!  Which is AWSOME so I can hang out with her again....if she comes up here for my birthday...it will be my best birthday ever!!!

Almost done christmas shopping! YAY!  Now maybe Ill have some extra cash to start saving.....haha...saving.....I need help to actually accomplish that!

Life is good.....still deciding what I should do this weekend since I have it off.  Any suggestions?

This weekend sure was full of suprises!

Friday night I had to work and then when I got off, I called this guy I had been hanging out with.  I knew something was up and since he had been drinking, I found out what it was.  I guess I'm not the only one he is seeing right now and he doesn't really know what he wants.  At this point, it doesn't really suprise me, I feel like I've seen and heard everything from guys.  Basically I am done talking to him.  I mean, if a guy really wants something more, he will come around.  I am not gonna play the game of "give me more attention than the other girl."  So I guess you could say, Game Over?!

Then Saturday I had to work again and it was a lot of fun because it was really busy.  It made me really stay on my toes and it made the time fly by.  Then I got ready and drove to Whapeton to visit my ex-bf because he wanted to hang out and go to a movie.  So we went to Saw 2 and then went out partying.  To my suprise, there are hot girls in Whapeton. lol  I thought it was just a town full of hicks. lol 

As for today, I did not feel the best, I got some laundry done, went grocery shopping, and did some homework.  I also realized how fast the end of the semester is approaching and it is making me nervous.  We all know how the teachers like to pile everything on real thick at the end of the semester! AHHHHHHHHHH!  At least we can look forward to Christmas and well for me, my 21st birthday!! YIPEE!

So I just spent all weekend at PRACS, which kinda sucked since I didn't get to go out or anything.  Although I'm sure I won't be complaining when I have the $800 in my bank account.  And it wasn't really as bad as I thought it would be...although I still have one more weekend to go.

Let's see....update on my life.....this last week was really stressful because I had two tests.  Once I finished them I wanted to party it up sooooooo bad but I couldn't drink because of PRACS.  Instead, I drove to Whapeton to hang out with an old friend, Spence. It was a good time! hehe  As far as this next week, I have another midterm exam, a whole bunch of return draws for PRACS, and I get to go into my new job at Maurices twice!  Which kinda makes me nervous, cuz  I worked at one last year so they are expecting a lot from me...but it has been about 5 months since I worked there.  Hopefully I kick some ass!

One last comment, YAY for HALLOWEEN!  I really hope that I get super trashed! haha AND hang out with a lot of friends I haven't seen in awhile! YAY!!!